So this week was weird. It felt like it FLEW by, and then we realized what had happened during this week and it felt like it was three weeks actually. HAHAHA
However, it was a really good one!
At the beginning of the week we had a Leadership Counsel and it was really awesome!
(we had bbq sandwiches from an American place and it was so FOURTH OF JULY! haha, I felt SOOOO AMERICAN:))) )
I have only been in one other meeting like this with our old president, so I loved the opportunity to learn from the president and assistants. I loved president’s message about 3 nefi 27 – it was SOOO POWERFUL! I realized that we don’t do anything that leads to conversion. BUT we are the ones who can invite the spirit to testify and BRING conversion. I love that. I really tried this week to focus on personal revelation and revelation of the companionship.
Here is some of my journal entry from Friday: Thursday was a day that I won’t forget for a very long time. I woke up just feeling like I wasn’t doing everything I could. I felt like there was something that was holding me back and not letting me become a missionary of the Lord. OR a preach my gospel missionary. I felt like I needed to repent and figure out what it was and correct my path. I know that THAT was a prompting of the spirit.
I went up to the little attic and repented of everything that I could think of, obivously nothing major- because I’m a missionary trying my best, but the little things. I just really WANTED to have the spirit with me and to be able to feel it ALWAYS. That is my new goal, that I can be temple worthy and worthy to have the spirit with me-always.
SO I prayed and felt something different. A bit light actually, like I had lost some of the weight on my shoulders. I then had my study and was working to figure out what we should share with our investigators. I was studying PMG and I felt that in EVERYTHING I should do I should talk with God first. I remembered 2 Nefi 32: 9-
“But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul.”
I HAVE to pray before doing anything, get that confirmation from him and then ACT. I did that. I looked hard and “studied it in my mind” and then prayed about my proposal of what to teach and presented it to God. I felt confirmation on some of them and some I felt no. The YES was so powerful, just asking God, “should I teach this scripture to Gabi?” and then feel that burning feeling in my chest- it was so COOL! I just love the Lord and His spirit which gives us revelation.
But am I perfect? far from it. I knew that God had given me that revelation. And then, what did I do? I let us go to a lesson with Gabi and let my comp change our lesson plan. It just felt like something was off. I got home the next day and today in the morning I just couldn’t feel the spirit. I couldn’t feel what I needed to do.
I prayed and prayed for a bit more than an hour, and just felt badly, like something was dragging me down. I realized that the spirit was offended by me. That I had done something to not have him with me. I ended my prayer and just kept thinking what I had done. I repented some and still couldn’t recognize what it was. I went and read a talk by Elder Bednar “Ask in Faith” (thanks mom:)) and I FINALLY realized that I hadn’t had the faith to just teach what God wanted Gabi to hear. I hadn’t been strong enough to ACT in my answer. I just felt bad… super bad.
I got on my knees again and prayed hard asking forgiveness for not acting on that inspiration. I feel so much better. I am making a goal today, that I will just say what God wants me to say. I know that it’s the spirit who does everything. I just hope that I can be a servant in God´s hands. Its funny but that’s really the only thing I want. Just to finally be consecrated, to put His will above my own. To have this love for all of the people. I just want to be “true and faithful in all things” like it says in my patriarchal blessing. I have faith, but need to grow in it more. I know God WANTS me to be a missionary who is following inspirations and His will. I am going to go back and fix the error I made, and try to appease the Spirit.
This was a cool experience I had this week. OBVIOUSLY I’m not perfect, and I know that the Lord knows we aren’t perfect. I also know that sometimes we learn the most from moments that are hard in our lives, and things we’ve messed up on. But I am trying my best!
We also had a conference of ALL the missionaries from Cochabamba:) Everyone got to meet the new president who is so cool!!!
It’s really funny… the more I get to know him the more I realize he is like the latino, mormon version of MR: NOWLIN!!!!!!! HAHAHA Presi Montoya was the head teacher in Peru in physics – he is a genius! He also has the same standing position and voice of Mr Nowlin -it’s just super funny how SIMILAR they are!!!! hahahahahaha
Anyway. that’s my week:) I am feeling really good, physically and spiritually:) I am trying my best to be like Christ and have pure love for others and just try to receive revelation on what are their needs.
I love and miss you all!!!!!! Here’s to another year of preaching the gospel and helping the work move along:)))